


The Kidz

by dullstarss



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Everyone being fucking ridiculous, F/F, F/M, Group chat, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, i'll explain that constellation in the notes, it's definitely second favorite headcanon, me jumping on the bandwagon, not jace, who needs vowels, you guys i love poly!simon so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 17:04:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12063333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dullstarss/pseuds/dullstarss
Summary: simon starts a groupchat. from there, they pick on jace a little, find out why maia's nickname is wolfy, and decide that they shouldn't trade clary for ziplines because gingers are extinct.-i'm almost as bad with summaries as i am with endings. just read it because it's funny. i think.





	The Kidz

**Author's Note:**

> mk so i couldn't choose just one person for simon to date so i decided that you can never have too much poly representation. so simon is dating jace, maia, and raphael, and jace and maia are dating. ( here's a little visual! [xx](https://piccollage.com/_9hv9x7hq) )
> 
> also, usernames for the idiots. i'm terrible w this kind of stuff so if you have suggestions let me know.  
>  **alecgaywood** is alec  
>  **glitterisbetter** is magnus  
>  **thelocalginger** is clary  
>  **naturalblond** is jace  
>  **saltiago** is raphael  
>  **monkeyface** is simon  
>  **wolfy** is maia  
>  **izabelle** is izzy
> 
> sidenote: most of jace's typos are intended, bc i have this headcanon that he doesn't give half a shit when he's typing. also see if you can guess which quotes are from a gc that i'm in ~~where most of us are insane~~. just to give you all a heads up, some of the texts/responses to previous texts aren't like one after another bc let's be real with a gc this big and active how often does that really happen?

[ **monkeyface** added **wolfy** ,  **naturalblond** ,  **saltiago** ,  **thelocalginger** ,  **glitterisbetter** ,  **izabelle** , and  **alecgaywood** to  **The Kidz** ]

[  **alecgaywood** left  **The Kidz** ]

[  **glitterisbetter** added  **alecgaywood** to  **The Kidz** ]

 **monkeyface** : how did you leave the chat so quickly

 **alecgaywood** : It was an accident

 **alecgaywood** : Not that I'm not glad it happened

 **wolfy** : love you too alec

 **thelocalginger** : simon

 **thelocalginger** : im in class you know that

 **monkeyface** : oh yeah,,, too late now

 **glitterisbetter** : okay anyway i need stories behind usernames

 **alecgaywood** : I don't know how to change mine back

 **naturalblond** : mine dosnt need explaining

 **thelocalginger**  : are you still trying to convince everyone your hair is natural

 **naturalblond** : I MA A NATURAL BLONDE

 **alecgaywood** : Blonde with an e implies that you're a girl, jace

 **monkeyface** : i've told him this at least twice

 **naturalblond** : leav me alone ? this is abuse ?

 **wolfy** : leave my boyfriend alone

 **glitterisbetter** : hey so why wolfy

 **saltiago**  : long and very gross story

 **wolfy** : long story

 **monkeyface** : LONG STORY

 **naturalblond** : its bc of how hard she bites n how agresive she is in bed

 **glitterisbetter** : oh

 **glitterisbetter** : okay then

 **wolfy** : jace why

 **naturalblond** : i mean am i wrng

 **monkeyface** : he has a point actually

 **wolfy** : betrayal

 **saltiago** : Why did I let myself be dragged into this?

 **glitterisbetter** : how do you guys manage to read jace's texts

 **monkeyface** : raph do you mean the relationship or the groupchat

 **thelocalginger** : ew proper punctuation

 **saltiago** : Both.

 **alecgaywood** : with lots of practice

 **monkeyface** : pretty much

 **alecgaywood** : Wait simon is agreeing with me

 **alecgaywood** : Never mind

 **thelocalginger **:**** are you ever going to be nice to simon

 ******alecgaywood** : **** No

 ******izabelle** : **** why do you still have that as ur username

 ******thelocalginger** : **** BABE

 ******glitterisbetter** : **** i was starting to wonder where you were

 **alecgaywood** : I don't know how to change it

 **thelocalginger** : why werent you at school

 **izabelle** : i was skipping bcus i didnt do my hw i told you this

 **izabelle** : also get off your phone ur in class

 **thelocalginger** : oh yeah

 **izabelle** : are u going to ignore my txt abt getting off your phone

 **monkeyface** : she texted me saying to tell you that she never saw that text. why that was necessary, i don't know

[ image sent by  **naturalblond** ]

 **naturalblond** : hey do yu like my new bckpack decoration

 **naturalblond** : i think it'll be a permannt adition to my collction

 **monkeyface** : is that

 **monkeyface** : where did you get my student id from

 **alecgaywood** : You probably left it somewhere again and he got tired of you losing it, because you lose everything

 **wolfy** : he has a point, si

 **monkeyface** : that's not true

 **monkeyface** : ,,, ok fine maybe a bit true

 **thelocalginger** : simon you once lost your shoe at school and when you found it a week later it was in the girls locker room

 **wolfy** : you once lost your shirt in my extremely clean car and found it two days later in the trunk

 **saltiago** : You lost your keys in my mom's drawer for silverware and we had to call the blond for a ride.

 **saltiago** : And Jace and Maia were in the middle of doing something.

 **glitterisbetter** : you left all of you school stuff in my bedroom, and I'm still not sure what you were doing in there

 **alecgaywood** : And when you came to get it you left three guitar picks on his dresser and one in the bathroom

 **naturalblond** : you've left your guitar ta the coffe shop down the street 3 times

 **naturalblond** : n that's on on nghts were you didt have gigs

 **izabelle** : would you mind not sending me eight txts in the space of ten seconds when im at wrk

 **monkeyface** : ^^

 **izabelle** : oh nvm ur roasting simon continue

 **izabelle** : clary adele get off ur phone

 **monkeyface** : i truste dyou

 **monkeyface** : and thisis howy ou repay em

 **glitterisbetter** : ooh, bringing out the middle name

 **thelocalginger** : oh shit gotta go guys

 **wolfy** : simon for christs sake stop being dramatic

 **monkeyface** : ok

 **alecgaywood** : That's all? No comeback?

 **monkeyface** : nope

 **naturalblond** : alc jsut let it  go n stop being nosy

 **monkeyface** : oooooh get rest

 **alecgaywood** : Can you really not even spell my name

 **monkeyface** : rekt

 **alecgaywood** : I know I need to sleep more but

 **glitterisbetter** : look at skylar, caring for alexander

 **monkeyface** : leave me alone auto correct is the one caring for you

 **monkeyface** : you've known me for four years why are you still pretending you don't know my name

 **glitterisbetter** : i don't know what you're talking about, sue

 **naturalblond** : THANKS FOR CLALING ME A CACTUS

 **wolfy** : simon not again

 **alecgaywood** : What

 **glitterisbetter** : what

 **saltiago** : What?

 **wolfy** : simon tends to call jace a cactus when hes upset about smth

 **wolfy** : im guessing he sent that here bc simon isnt responding to him anywhere else and jace wants people to notice him

 **alecgaywood** : It's scary how well you know him after only dating him for two months

 **naturalblond** : tht is all false

 **naturalblond** : alec wtf

 **monkeyface** : jace that's exactly what happened

 **monkeyface** : i'm sorry but

 **naturalblond** : w h t a

 **naturalblond** : be tr a y la

 **naturalblond** : i will nt st a nd 4 thsi

 **monkeyface** : for fuck's sake will you attempt to make your texts legible

 **naturalblond** : no

 **alecgaywood** : If you guys are going to fight, take it somewhere else

 **wolfy** : like the bedroom

 **alecgaywood** : THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.

 **wolfy** : then why did your mind jump straight to sex

 **alecgaywood** : for the record i hate you

 **naturalblond** : excsE U THTA IS MY FIRLIGRIND

 **wolfy** : firligrind

 **monkeyface** : firligrind

 **alecgaywood** : Firligrind

 **glitterisbetter** : firligrind

 **izabelle** : firligrind

 **naturalblond** : SHUT UP I GET IT

 **thelocalginger** : firligrind

 **izabelle** : a little late there pumpkin

 **thelocalginger** : nO

 **glitterisbetter** : YOU CALL HER PUMPKIN THAT'S SO CUTE

 **monkeyface** : hah bc of her hair and she's tiny

 **thelocalginger** : damnit iz

 **wolfy** : aw

 **izabelle** : :)

 **thelocalginger** : thanks si

 **monkeyface** : anytime

 **naturalblond** : hey gusy i found a zipline park and we need to go

 **alecgaywood** : Wow only one typo

 **naturalblond** : shut up

 **izabelle** : i'm down!

 **alecgaywood** : Wow punctuation

 **izabelle** : why are you in a mood

 **glitterisbetter** : we were busy and his phone keeps going off

 **alecgaywood** : You guys won't shut up

 **wolfy** : alec this is why you should let magnus do the talking

 **naturalblond** : rude

 **naturalblond** : now can we gt back to te quesition abt the park

 **thelocalginger** : id rather not fall and die actually

 **monkeyface** : but think about how fun it would be to fall

 **izabelle** : um excuse u that's my gf

 **thelocalginger** : wow so youd trade me for a zip line

 **monkeyfac** **e** : yes

 **alecgaywood** : I would

 **naturalblond** : why not

 **wolfy** : NO we can't trade Clary in

 **thelocalginger** : thanks but

 **thelocalginger** : trade me ? in ?

 **wolfy** : gingers are endangered

 **thelocalginger** : im disowning you as my sister

 **wolfy** : thats fair

 **saltiago** : I'll pass too.

 **monkeyface** : but raphhhhh

 **naturalblond** : yeh c'mon raph

 **saltiago** : Shut the hell up Wayland.

 **glitterisbetter** : will we ever have one conversation that doesn't split into three others

 **izabelle** : no

 **naturalblond** : why does he gett o call you raph

 **saltiago** : Because he's my boyfriend.

 **naturalblond** : so if we dated you'd let me cal l you raph

 **saltiago** : One, probably not.

 **saltiago** : Two, we would never date because I'm not polyamorous and I don't plan on breaking up with Simon.

 **monkeyface** **e** : aw

 **naturalblond** : tha'ts fair

 **thelocalginger** : raphael is soft pass it on

 **glitterisbetter** : look at my son being soft

 **saltiago** : I will kill both of you

 **monkeyface** : maia jace where are you guys

 **naturalblond** : wdym is smht going on

 **wolfy** : im on my way

 **wolfy** : JACE

 **monkeyface** : JACE

 **naturalblond** : oh shit

 **alecgaywood** : Even I know what's going on

 **thelocalginger** : oh no

 **glitterisbetter** : honestly how do you forget every WEEK

 **naturalblond** : ITS B99 NIGHT

 **naturalblond** : DHIT

 **saltiago** : And here I was hoping we'd have a quiet night for once.

 **naturalblond** : MI SORRUY GYUS

 **wolfy** : just get your ugly ass home now

 **thelocalginger** : every week, jace

 **glitterisbetter** : he just ran out of my living room mumbling about how he had a fine ass

 **alecgaywood** : Which was not a sentence I need to hear my brother say

 **wolfy** : are you ever not at magnus' house

 **glitterisbetter** : no

 **alecgaywood** : No

 **wolfy** : alright then

 **wolfy** : my boys just got home. later idiots

 **alecgaywood** : Was it necessary to call us idiots

 **wolfy** : absolutely. now shut the hell up

 **izabelle** : love you too maia

 **wolfy** : :)

**Author's Note:**

> quotes from my gc: "hey do [y'all] like my new [backpack] decoration" + "i think it'll be a [permanent addition] to my [collection]" ; "[ someone stealing someone else's student id and attaching it to their backpack ]" ; "THANKS FOR CLALING ME A CACTUS [ with literally no context ]" ; "[ get rekt being auto corrected to get rest ]" ; "[Wow] so [you'd] trade me for a zip line" + "I would" + "NO we can't trade [ryan] in" + "gingers are endangered"  
> also 'firligrind' is somehow a typo that i actually made bc i was typing way too quickly and i just decided to keep it
> 
> i'm thinking about adding some characters if i end up continuing this. let me know if there's anyone you want to see. (also kudos encourage me to update faster, and comments even moreso!)


End file.
